April 2011
1 post
July 2009
1 post
June 2009
1 post
May 2009
3 posts
Oh, hey guys.
whytyler:
First off, I am pretty positive that I have given myself stomach ulcers, because I have felt as if I could throw up at any point for the past 24 hours. I’m attributing this all to stress. Have I even announced via blog I am moving? It’s true. I am leaving for Manhattan Beach in 2 weeks. Grab a box of tissues or a bottle of champagne. I am celebrating this impulsiveness.
Anyways, last...
I thought the sunshine would put everyone in a...
alexbalk:
I was walking up First Avenue this afternoon when a recumbent vagrant requested one of my Marlboros. I’m generally amenable to this sort of request even though the things literally cost half a buck these days and, quite frankly, my reserves are diminishing at an alarming rate, but the entreaty was conveyed in a rather distasteful manner, i.e. he yelled, “Gimme a cigarette, you...
April 2009
14 posts
SELF DESTRUCTION AT ITS FINEST MOMENTS
whiskeyandgoatsmilk:
While riding the subway last night leaving an awkward trivia that ended in not really answering questions but more of just having dollar off drinks and punching each other between tummy laughs, my roommate and I sat next to each other on the swaying G train heading home.
This month has been strange but it feels like its at a stand still of pure frustration. I wish i could...
Today's Google Ads In My Gmail
magicmolly:
Fetal Pigs Are On Sale
PayPal Alternative
German Cuckoo Clocks
Tate Self-Publishing
Teach English in Korea
Dreams of the sexually-repressed mind
havent-got-a-prayer:
Last night I had another odd dream in which I was engaged in a sweaty orgy with the entire cast of Skins: Season One. It only served as a reminder that I need to fall in love very soon. I’ve given up on one-night stands, but I’m still holding out for some brutal fucking.
Okie-dokie, I’m off to Starbucks.
I've tried
henryeatspeople:
most of my life to err on the nature side of the argument that people are inherently good. Thus comes my revelation today as I’m in the midst of stopping myself from throwing the phone across the room just before telling myself that it’s not this poor unknowing inademant objects fault that people are fucking pigs. Humanity, as an ever-growing ever-changing ever-adapting...
4 tags
Transformers 2: Michael Bay’s Rejected Script
Michael Bay is well known for the child-like glee with which he infuses every over-the-top, ridiculous action scene he directs. He is truly an auteur, and the naive innocence which he brings to his directing can make most any stupid movie romp enjoyable. Unfortunately, hoping to cement his artistic credibility by landing that coveted writer/director credit a la Clint Eastwood, Bay also decided to...
21 Suggestions for Success
aliexplainsitall:
Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Be generous.
Have a grateful heart.
Persistence,...
5 tags
Flutter Mocks You, Me and Our Microblogging...
Nanoblogging - blogging in 26 characters or less - is the hot new trend, says Zak Ryman, CEO of newcomer Flutter. Not only can you nano-blog throughout the day on the site’s iPhone app, but you can also input your updates from other social media sites and have Flutter automatically cut them down to the 26 character limit, giving them the brevity required to be consumed by your ADD-afflicted...
Overcome Lactose Intolerance
cartoonpenis:
Here is my one step process for overcoming lactose intolerance to enjoy ice cream:
Step 1. Learn to love diarrhea. Embrace your diarrhea. Then, you can have ice cream and think “this ice cream is great, and I’m excited for the diarrhea.”
note: I am not lactose intolerant, so currently, this is theory.
Ten Dollars to Ride in the Taco Truck
whatcriscilikes:
When the city rains, he comes down hard.
I was running very late for work this morning. Later than usual, more disheveled than I enjoy. The rain was soaking my leggings and darkening my grey suede heels. The construction men were spotting me two blocks before I walked past them. My look of annoyance chased with fear was probably to blame for the extra attention.
Downtown...
Oscar Wilde: Do you mind if I smoke?
Sarah Bernhardt: I don't care if you burn.
Prepare For Possible Decline In Internet Usage In...
Recently I read an interesting study that suggested U.S. Internet usage is going to start a sharp decline over the next two to three years, as a result primarily of the economic downturn and some additional factors. All of which does not bode well for digitally based businesses or internet advertisers.
Consideration 1: Cost-Cutting
The first support point was simple: that with average...
get connected
realrealsoft:
You must always remember not to have a watch on while asking for the time, or to have a pack of matches sticking out of your pocket when asking for a light. The next step is working up the courage to talk to them. It is not as easy as approaching someone for the end result being sex. You want to talk to this person for their stories, for their life, their nuances.
Ask for the...
March 2009
39 posts
dynaslice:
1:55 pm: feeling tired, decide i want a soda from the bodega, jim insists i mix it with a five hour energy, challenge accepted. 2:00 pm: purchased one non-diet mountain dew, and a “lemon lime” 5 hour energy (1st non-diet soda in 2 months) 2:15 pm: well into the experience, 5 hour energy alters the already bombastic flavor of mountain dew, but not for the better. 2:22 pm: almost...
So two coworkers are discussing how much they like...
davidmaddox:
So as to refrain from coming across like a jerk, I’m not going to say anything.
…except that Glenn Beck is the ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ of news media, and to take your cues and headlines from him is like learning philosophy by reading Norah Ephron.
whatcriscilikes:
If life is in the details, then my life is currently orbiting around nude house cleaning and a missing iPhone.
“WTF? LOL @ I LOVE TO WEAR SUN GLASSES. BITCH U RETARDED!!!!”
– tenika_space, in regards to Paris Hilton’s latest MySpace Celebrity Blog
The Hipster Depression
In 2005, the celebrated indie rock pioneer Ian Svenonius wrote a brilliant commentary for American Public Media’s Markeptlace on “Rock, real estate, and Alan Greenspan.” His argument, briefly, was that skyrocketing real estate prices had led to the rise of electroclash and the psychedelic folk revival, two fringe genres that flourished because, well, neither of them required a lot of expensive...
In these tough times....
cartoonpenis:
Four commercials in a row on ESPN just started with a variation of the line: “In these tough times….”
It doesn’t always take looking out of a plane window to get the sense that people are ants.
bossing around our intern.
pocketfulofhope:
i’m bad at delegating. because i can do it all by myself. duh. ha. i’m learning.
our intern is 5 years older than me. and male. so it’s an interesting twist to boss him around and make him do interny stuff like haul my boxes to the loading dock, reformat presentations and mount signs on posterboard.
i giggle a little each time i call him and say something silly like, “come...
Why I'm not currently eating a pizza
outofprint:
A couple days ago, I was starving so I went to my dorm kitchen and scrounged through the freezer. I don’t tend to keep things in the fridge because that sort of stuff can go bad and I can’t juggle all these things like expiration dates in my memory. This is a recurring theme that will be explored later.
I took out some breaded cauliflower cheese grills (CCGs) that I had been saving...
FML (unrelated to the "Fuck My Life" series)
allisonweiss:
My hard drive is one hundred percent fucked. Apparently it’s so bad that they can’t do a normal recovery, they’d have to send it away to some special place that charges $700-1500. WHAT?! Do they dip it in liquid diamonds and then paint it with the blood of bald eagles?! How the FUCK can anything cost that much?!
So, luckily I backed up about a MONTH ago. Which means I get to go...
The Big Takeover
It’s over — we’re officially, royally fucked. no empire can survive being rendered a permanent laughingstock, which is what happened as of a few weeks ago, when the buffoons who have been running things in this country finally went one step too far. It happened when Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was forced to admit that he was once again going to have to stuff billions of...
... so 2008.
whytyler:
I have decided to make a list of everything that died when the clock hit midnight on January 1st:
1. Perezhilton.com
Perez totally peaked. He used to be fun to read, but then he started thinking he was famous, and forgot that people were really logging on to read shit on celebrities, not Perez. I also think it’s laughable that he tries to pass his site off as his own, when you know...
Catty bitches are dumb whores
antikris:
There are reasons why I have fewer girlfriends than guy friends. It’s because women can be immature, gossipy, dumb slags. I have a rough time dealing with those types of females even if their cattiness is not directed towards me. I have been best friends with the same girl since I was 14. The reason for that is she is not a catty bitch. I love her.
A few weeks ago some idiot that...
Capture Me.
whatcriscilikes:
I have developed a habit of taking a lesson away with me at the close of recent weekends. This past weekend left me with a resounding question that I have not yet answered.
If you read me regularly, you might remember a number of confessions on my nervous habit of recording and documenting. I revel in this, however this weekend my dear friend mentioned how she wanted me to...
Twitter Unveils New Premium Accounts
San Francisco, CA – Twitter co-founder and CEO Evan Williams today announced part of the company’s long-awaited business model: Twitter Premium accounts.
Twitter has experienced phenomenal growth since its inception, but up until now it has remained a mystery what it would do to generate income. Many have speculated that premium accounts would be one way, and now that has been...
Fuck My Life #10
Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that’s exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML
(via fmylife.com)
i've wanted to say this for awhile.
saintnate:
To be clear, love me or hate me all you want, whatever. I’m not gonna disappear, only to reappear later with a minor name-change…nor am I going to go into hiding for a month with some odd alternate Tumblr persona.
I don’t know most of you any more than you all know me…some of you are closer to me than others…some of you used to be somewhat friendly toward me.
Then I gained some...
Confessions of a Taxi Lover
whytyler:
I have excellent experience with getting black out drunk and waking up to an unfamiliar wall in a strange room. 9 time out 10, this room happens to be a friends, and it takes all of 20 seconds for reality to hit, and the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place as to what I had done the night before. I like my liquor clear and in large quantities. Give me a bottle of Grey Goose and some...
Investigators Blame Stupidity In Area Death
WHEATLEY, AR—Although reckless driving and minor driver impairment were cited as additional factors, police investigators ruled pure, unadulterated stupidity as the primary cause in the death of an unlicensed motorist involved in a single-car accident Sunday.
“We’re fairly positive the deceased was operating under the influence of being an unbelievable dumbass,” forensic...
Politics This Week
Mar 12th 2009
From The Economist print edition
Northern Ireland threatened to return to sectarian violence after republican splinter groups staged two separate gun attacks that killed two soldiers and a policeman. Thousands gathered outside Belfast’s city hall to protest against the threat to the decade-old peace process. Martin McGuinness, deputy first minister in the province’s...
Fuck My Life #10
Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he proceeded to have sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML
(via fmylife.com)
Fuck My Life #9
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickleback CD. FML
(via fmylife.com)
flattered by a facebook message.
pocketfulofhope:
hey <redacted>, im not sure that you know me and this may seem a little weird, but you have come into <the restaurant> a few times in the past month or so and i noticed that you and rhys were friends so I asked him who you were because i thought that you had the most beautiful smile!! so i asked him what your name was and he told me that you were friends on facebook...
hayden panetierre is kind of a bitch
What’s awesome about Hollywood is that no one ever learns anything ever, at any point, no mater what, so a dimwit like Hayden Panettiere can think she’s different from Sarah Michelle Gellar or Mischa Barton or Tiffani Amber Theisen or Yasmine Bleeth or Elisha Cuthbert or whoever, but guess what. Exact same person. So if Hayden has an ounce of thought in her stumpy midget head, she’d change her...
American Idol Thoughts
daveholmes:
- The judges keep telling us that Comedy Guy is entertaining and “can actually SING,” and neither of those things is true. He’s every hack character you see in Harold team auditions at IO, and every terrible singer you see at Dimples. Fuck that guy.
- Megan Corkrey will absolutely sweep the herero male blogger demo. You watch.
- Welder Guy loses points for singing TONIC*, but at...
Obama Taps Clinton Ideas but Not Clinton Herself
WASHINGTON — Hillary Rodham Clinton has not participated in any of the White House’s planning sessions on health care, the issue that defined her public persona during the 1990s. Intent on establishing herself as a powerful secretary of state, she has steered clear of public statements on the topic and has not discussed it in any detail with President Obama.
Mrs. Clinton’s distance from the...
Murray Chass Hates Blogs
soupsoup:
Former New York Times writer Murray Chass recently accused former New York Met Mike Piazza of using steroids based on very flimsy evidence. He also, in his own words, “hates blogs.”
John Weisman of Dodger Thoughts, a very well respected blogger takes Chass to task.
Murray Chass is not only irresponsible but he’s also disingenuous. He claims to “hate blogs” because he claims they do...
Nonfiction
havent-got-a-prayer:
I can’t remember his actual name. We all called him something else. He was a beautiful child, and he always came baring gifts. Cocaine, heroin, weed, ecstasy, or acid. Sometimes the other roommates got tired of him being around so much. They said that he “wasn’t a part of our family.” Well, he was beautiful. That alone was reason enough to keep him around. That, and...
I admire ...
smallexpectations:
People who take every experience as it comes …and go through (acknowledging) the intense feelings they get from life. People who embrace what they feel and why, and know (whether it’s sad, happy, or funny), that they feel that way for a reason…and it is a part of life, and they know it and go through the motions of everything until it passes, and look foward to the next...